UnNews:Tourism slump in The Bay area is due to mothers, says study
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Tourism slump in The Bay area is due to mothers, says study
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, November 26, 2015, 04:18:UTC)(
14 January 2007
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Down By The Bay, Where The Watermelons Grow -- It appears that the old adage "Down by the bay, down by the bay, where the watermelons grow, where the watermelons grow, I dare not go, I dare not go, for if I do, for if I do, my mother will say 'have you ever seen a whale, chewing its own tail?'" has been taken to heart by millions of tourists. In a recently released recent study by The Study Group (based out of Prince Edward Island) the recent plunge in tourism to The Bay area of the world is completely the fault of mothers, and what potential tourists are worried their mothers might say. The Study Group conducted polls all across Northern Eastern and South Northern America asking people of different social backgrounds what it was that they were indeed afraid that their mothers might say.
When interviewed by UnNews, a scientist, who specializes in anonymous comments to the media, told us that this problem has been bubbling under the surface for many years, since "that episode of Scooby Doo...you remember...that one with Captain Cutler's Ghost? Yah. That episode single-handedly robbed something like $1,003,000 dollars from the hard working tourist codler of The Bay area during 1969." Other scientists agreed.
The most shocking piece of information in this report, is all of the information, but most of all the recommendations. The Study Group suggests that The Bay area reinvent its entire image. Their first suggestion is a "final solution" of sorts, and in great detail describes how to get men pregnant, thus allowing for the complete eradication of the females of the human species. The other suggestions are all the same, the lyrics to "It's A Small World After All".
- The Study Group, The Study Group Homepage.