UnNews:Tony Blair's plane overruns airport runway
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Tony Blair's plane overruns airport runway
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, December 1, 2015, 21:14:UTC)(
27 December 2006
Miami, FL - A commercial jet carrying the United Kingdom’s Prime Minister Tony Blair and his family overran the runway as it was landing at the Miami International Airport today, but no one was hurt and the aircraft was undamaged.
The aircraft, British Airways flight 209 from London, did manage to take out airfield lights after it touched down, but it remained on the pavement and was able to make it back to the gate under its own power.
The Blairs were among the plane’s 343 passengers. They had come to Miami to party, having heard that the beach is frequented by topless college coed students and that there would be plenty of opportunity for drinking and recreational drug use since they are staying with the Bee Gee’s Robin Gibb. According to a flight attendant, the prime minister was “obviously tipsy.” She said, “I don’t think Mr. Blair wanted to wait until he got to Mr. Gibb’s party palace before he started his vacation.”
The airline would not comment on the flight attendant’s statement other than to say that she had been put on unpaid leave immediately until they reviewed her comments with Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth. The FAA maintains that Mr. Blair had nothing to do with the mishap.
The official story, as reported on Yahoo! News, is that “The pilot stopped the plane at the end of the runway because he could not see the lights to the taxiway. Apparently, they're doing some resurfacing work and relighting, so the lighting was poor.” It was even worse, passengers aboard the runaway plane observed, after the aircraft ran over the airfield lights.
Insiders claim that the accident was staged. “Tony has long been irate at not having his own private jet in which to fly around the world at the public’s expense. The president has Air Force One. Tony believes he is every bit as deserving, or more so, than President Bush, of having his own plane. This supposed accident was calculated to demonstrate that commercial transport is not safe enough for the prime minister and his family. Obviously, he hopes the British people will pay for a jet for his exclusive use.” Blair denied these allegations as “poppycock and nonsense.”
“All I can say,” President Bush remarked, “is that I’m glad Tony landed on a peninsula state, which has a little more length than one of the mainland states. Otherwise, he might have been in real danger.”
Parliament, reportedly, is looking into purchasing an “Air Force One” for Mr. Blair and his successors, but Steve Atkins, the deputy press secretary for the British Embassy in Washington, said, “We don't comment on the prime minister's private travel arrangements, or security arrangements.”
The queen is said “not to be amused by the prime minister’s shenanigans.”