UnNews:Tomorrow's Headlines ... Today
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Tomorrow's Headlines ... Today
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, February 25, 2017, 04:55:UTC)(
19 October 2006
Paper boys and girls worldwide are praising the latest invention of an anonymous American oil tycoon, who has invented a machine that can predict the news of tomorrow up to nearly a day and a half before it happens.
He has been widely applauded by paper deliverers all over the world, as it means that they can deliver their papers as early as 12 midday the previous day and do not have to get up early the next morning.
The anonymous man is now famous not only as the inventor of the headline predictor but as the only person to face the Dragons in the Dragons Den wearing nothing but a paper bag over his face.
One of the Dragons is reported to have said "It was amazing, making it so much easier for all of the newspaper delivers and printers. I just couldn't resist."