UnNews:Todd Akin on Christmas
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
19 December 2012
WILDWOOD, Missouri -- Despite losing the Senate race to incumbent Claire McCaskill in this year's election, outgoing Missouri Congressman Todd Akin still pops around for interviews on issues concerning politics, human reproduction and theology. The two things he knows most about.
Just this weekend, Congressman Akin was on Christian Talk 900 AM discussing Scriptural interpretation. As Christmas draws near, the story of the Nativity of Jesus inevitably came up. On the miracle that was the virgin birth, Congressman Todd Akin had this to say:
| Yeah, I love the Christmas story. It's very inspirational. But, you know, you read about the part where Joseph found out Mary got pregnant on vacation, and he wanted to call off their engagement in private to spare her social humiliation for being an adulterous slut. Now, I think that was just plain silly and paranoid of him. For one thing, she was 14. Everybody knows you can't conceive before 20. But let’s assume that her body didn't know any better. From what I understand from doctors, it's very rare to get pregnant outside of marriage. The female body has ways to try shut the whole thing down when she hasn't tied the knot to, uh, to spare the potential child from being illegitimate. Considering Mary and Joseph were in the customary Jewish engagement, they were already in a state of quasi-marriage, so she sure enough couldn't have gotten knocked-up by any other man. Therefore, she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit. It was an immaculate ra- er, conception.
And I'm pretty sure these "single mothers" you always hear about are just a welfare scam.
It was at this point the host spit out his coffee and laughed wildly on the air, leaving them to go to a quick commercial break. During the break, the station played the romantic holiday favorite "Baby, It's Cold Outside". Back on the air, Akin commented on the lyrics, stating that what happened in that song was definitely a legitimate rape.
- John Eligon & Michael Schwirtz "Todd Akin Provokes Ire With ‘Legitimate Rape’ Comment". The New York Times, August 19, 2012
- Matt OC "7 Lyrical Reasons Why "Baby, It's Cold Outside" Is About Date Rape". mattOCblog, December 23, 2011