UnNews:Titanic celebrations begin early in Greece
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Titanic celebrations begin early in Greece
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, May 4, 2016, 00:22:UTC)(
7 April 2007
ISLAND OF SANTORINI, Greece - With the anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, fast approaching, what can only be called "Titanic Fever" is moving across the globe like icebergs spreading across the North Atlantic. Dozens of events are scheduled throughout the world to commemorate the historic incident.
Anxious enthusiasts kicked off the festivities in Greece with the M/S Sea Diamond. Tickets for this once in a lifetime cruise had been in high demand, causing record breaking Ebay auctions and it is reported some would be passengers even played high stakes poker for a chance to purchase the last few spots.
Tourists lined up for miles to be part of the renactment, waving and cheering as the lucky passengers boarded the ship for it's final voyage. Thousands piled aboard anticipating fun, romance, and a good time for all until the much anticipated finale, when the ship was scheduled to ram a reef on April 6th off the Greek island of Santorini.
"It's an experience of a lifetime to renact the sinking of such a great ship." said one American as he signed the required "Injury Waiver" prior to boarding. "My Girlfriend has gone down many times on cruise ships, but this is a first for me."
What followed was days of decadent overindulgence as the passengers eat and drank like there was no tomorrow. The cocktail shrimp consumption alone set a new "Guiness World Record". Head Purser, Demetrius Alexander, when interviewed had this to say, ."Booze and food, we will be lucky if they last until the crash, these people are like animals, drink like fish and eat like pigs. This can't end soon enough for me."
Although many were prepared for the finale, others found the 24 hour "ouzo bar" the place to gather courage as the clock ticked down. Then the hour came, the ship made a spectacular impact and pandemonium soon erupted as the ship tilted and began to sink. The passengers frantically staggered to the lifeboats, drinks in hand, toasting the Titanic.
A Greek naval officer reported that, "Their were hundreds of people injured, including broken legs, internal bleeding, dismemberment of limbs from sharks, and numerous deaths. We consider this a great success in authenticity. It is our fondest wish that the survivors have experienced a 'Night to Remember'"
In addition, two people are still unaccounted for from the sunken ship. According to witnesses they are the Captain & Tennille, who were performing "Love Will Keep Us Together" at the time of the collision. Oddly no one seems to be looking for them, either together or seperately.