UnNews:Tintin accused of racism
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
13 July 2007
LONDON - The United Kingdom, having few dragons to slay nowadays, has insisted that the autobiography of the beloved comic book character Tintin be removed from bookstores throughout the remnants of the British Empire, charging its author with “blatant racism.”
Tintin thus joins the ranks of Huckleberry Finn, Uncle Tom, Little Black Sambo, Aunt Jemima, Amos and Andy, Stepnfetchit, Jar Jar Binks, Watoo, Mel Gibson, and other fictitious characters who have been charged with racism. “Apparently, there are a lot more racists out there than we thought,” said film producer George Lucas. “I didn’t even know I was one until my kids came up with the idea for Jar Jar.”
The Geico cavemen have also charged Madison Avenue advertising executives with racism in their treatment of the “original humans” as having low intelligence. The advertisements featuring what appear to be either Cro-Magnon or Neanderthal males frequently bear the caption, “So easy a caveman could do it.”
Britain’s Commission for Racial Equality (CRE) recommended that the twenty-third installment in Tintin’s ongoing (some say, never-ending) autobiography be removed from bookshelves because of the content’s “blatant racism.” The book, Tintin in the Congo, recounts the comic strip character’s exploits in “darkest Africa,” where, accompanied by his pet dog, Snowy, Tintin seeks to bring enlightenment, modern medicine, and the use of technology beyond sticks and stones to the native tribal peoples. In one chapter, he seeks to put an end to human sacrifice and cannibalism, in favor of encouraging McDonald’s restaurants to open franchises across the “dark continent.”
This chapter, in particular, has outraged both CRE’s goons and animal-rights activists, including Pamela Anderson’s right breast. An outspoken critic of “animal sacrifice,” and a long-time member of People for the Exaltation of Terrestrial Animals, Anderson often bares her soul and one or both of her breasts to signify her public support for animal deification. “I love Tintin, but his book is atrocious,” the actress-activist told Unnews’ reporter Lotta Lies.
What is “blatantly racist” about Tintin’s latest installment to his autobiography, CRE spokesman Bernard Blather said, “is the way it depicts monkeys as if they were blacks, having chimpanzees, orangutans and gorillas chatter as if they were imbecilic aborigines. It‘s very offensive.” The book, he points out, also contains the “N” word (“Nigeria”).
In place of Tintin in the Congo, Blather suggested, Barnes & Nobles, Borders, Books-a-Million, and other major bookstore chains in and around the leftovers of the British Empire, including “the colonies,” should offer King Dong and Black Superiority, books endorsed, respectively, by Larry Flynt and Black Entertainment Television (BET) as “blatantly non-racist.”
Tintin and his spokesman, Snowy, were unavailable for comment.
- Lotta Lies "Racism, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder". Instant News, 4 seconds ago