UnNews:Tiger Woods out for rest of 08; cites lack of challangers
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Tiger Woods out for rest of 08; cites lack of challangers
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, September 1, 2015, 18:44:UTC)(
18 June 2008
Torrey Pines, CA. Tiger Woods, after winning the 108th U.S. Open in the first case of sudden death overtime ever in professional golf, has decieded to call it quits for the rest of the '08 golf tour. "There just wasn't any competition- I mean yeah that Rocco guy went into overtime with me but even he couldn't hold up. I don't think that bitch is gonna be on a wheaties box anyways." said Tiger, who also this year has unleashed his own gatorade, GATORADE TIGER. Sources close to Tiger say that in the time off Tiger will be able to masterbate at least four hours a day required for physical thearepy for his injured knee.
IMG released a statement saying the world No. 1 golfer played at Torrey Pines sudden death overtime with a knee that was "not fully moisterized". Of his time off, Tiger says- "Yeah, basicly, I'm looking foreward to doing what my doctors say, I mean with a perscription to jack off four hours a day who wouldn't obey their doctor?"
PGA Tour official captian Paul Azinger also chimed in "Tiger I adore you. Really. If you want a lunch at Red Lobster, its on me."