UnNews:Thousands of women accuse Strauss-Kahn in feeding frenzy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
9 July 2011
PARIS, France -- American, British, Polish and French prosecutors have started processing a litany of preliminary inquiries into thousands of women’s claims that former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn raped them.
Detectives have been assigned to investigate the complaints lodged by Tristane Banon, Monet le Petite, Michelle Pupae, and thousands of other women – a list of whose names would fill this entire Wiki.
All of the women claim that Mr. Strauss-Kahn assaulted them in his hotel room as they attempted to negotiate a better price with him.
Separately, Strauss-Kahn denies charges of sexually assaulting a New York hotel maid on 14 May, when, in fact, she was clearly a jilted hooker. Strauss-Kahn has a similar alibi for all the other thousands of “ho” bitches who are accusing him of sexual misconduct.
Mr. Strauss-Kahn was recently freed from house arrest in New York City after the credibility of his unnamed accuser's evidence came into question. Some of the issues of contention are:
1. She entered the USA illegally on a sailing bordello from Ghana (or some place in Africa).
2. She has full blown diarrhea, pyorrhea, gonorrhea, and a single, conspicuous pimple on her arse.
3. She moronically voted for George Dubya Bush in the last election for a 3rd term in office.
4. She dared to claim that oral sex could ever possibly be worth more than $50 in New York City.
5. She admits to being framed into being photographed into being hired by French agents into entrapping Strauss-Kahn.
6. She is a “Big Bad Mama” without a valid Eliot Spitzer prostitution permit.
7. Her pimp is in jail for running drugs and eating Caucasian children.
8. She was taped telling the pimp by phone about her French assignment.
9. She is a fan of the Chicago Cubs.
It was shortly after Mr. Strauss-Kahn was arrested in New York that Ms. Banon and the thousands of other over-priced hookers came forward to say that he had tried to assault them as far back as June 1963 up until he jilted the greedy Ho in New York last May 14.
In a move sure to prop up the World Attorney’s Association (WAA), Mr. Strauss-Kahn responded by saying he would sue Ms. Banon and the other women, along with their greedy pimps, for making false statements.
Under French law, the charge of attempted rape carries a maximum combined sentence of 15 days in jail. However, the charge of making a false statement carries the death penalty.
Mr. Strauss-Kahn had been a leading contender to be the king of the financial world before his arrest last month.