UnNews:This article was attacked by terrorists
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This article was attacked by terrorists
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, August 29, 2016, 21:55:UTC)(
3 November 2008
Recently, this UnNews article was subject to severe technical problems as all images were removed and prevented from being replaced. Local children suggest the problem may be a terrorist attack. "Oh yeah, its a terrorist attack," says a 5th grader from Tree school elementary. "Its always terrorists, just like the ones that planted the drugs in my lunchbox." Due to statements from non-eye witnesses, police have dismissed all drug-possession trials withing a large mile radius.
Sketch artists have drawn the man to a level which the witnesses have described as "Too perfect." However, we cannot show you at this time.
Evidence suggests that there was no sign of struggle, and tech support is still working on the problem. No other articles have been affected by the attack. "The motive is unknown, but we're sure someone was angry about it. And possibly on drugs," says a local police officer, "They are obviously connected with the recent string of drugs being planted on school children." The estimated value of the drugs being planted are reaching near the $1 million mark. "Since little Timmy here isn't getting on trial, I don't have to do anything," says a local parent and soccer mom. "I trust he can get rid of it himself, after all, it's not like he's a criminal or someone who plays dangerous , violent, 'teen' rated video games."
Timmy was unavailable for comment, as he was too busy playing Grand Theft Auto IV.