UnNews:The world has already ended
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The world has already ended
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, July 5, 2015, 20:36:UTC)(
10 December 2012
VULGARON, Exubaton, Beta Vulgaris -- It was revealed today that the world is not going to end on the 21st of December because it has already ended. A newscast from Beta Vulgaris was picked up by the SETI program and accidentally released on YouTube before it was classified and hidden from the public. It seems that the entire Earth is a reality show run by Vulgaris Entertainment and enjoys ratings only slightly lower than those of the VulgaPorn channel. The Earth Show is so popular that particularly entertaining bits attract comment from the news readers, and the current Mayan-themed end-of-the-world craze made the evening wrap-up. As everyone is now aware, the Earth Show is a historically themed production set in the late ArcheoChaotic period of life and presents a comic view of what life was like in the era prior to the discovery of untelligence. Untelligence is the ability of advanced beings to see the funny side of the stupidity of beings without untelligence. The reason that the Earth is not going to end is that it is actually a backup copy of a planet that ended in 127,847,394 BC. The backup was bought for peanuts by Vulgaris Entertainment as the original inhabitants were so deeply in hock from giving each other handouts instead of doing any work that they couldn't afford the restoration. It is uncertain what we will do now that we realize that the Earth is not going to end on the 21st December, but the smart money is saying that we had better keep on being very funny because if our ratings tank, Vulgaris Entertainment is not about to keep a dud show running.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|