UnNews:The Very First Lolcat Discovered
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The Very First Lolcat Discovered
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, July 28, 2015, 16:01:UTC)(
19 March 2012
London, England -- Today early in the morning the curator of the British Museum was taking a piss, when he suddenly felt the urge to go to the attic. He then climbed a ladder and fell through the attic floor. The attic has never been opened in years and no one has entered it, causing the floor to rot and become impossible to stand on. The curator fell 3 stories and miraculously survived, despite losing all three of his testicles. He then stood up and found a vintage photograph lying next to William Shakespeare's mummified corpse.
"What's this?" he reportedly said.
He picked up the photograph and saw that it was a vintage lolcat. After having it examined, he has learned that it is the very first lolcat to ever have been made. It is also said to be dated to 1909.
The design of the original lolcat allows us to learn a lot about where the lolcat design originated from. For instance poor grammar is necessary for a successful lolcat. We do it artistically, though back then that may in fact have been how they talked. We also see that they enjoyed putting cats in humiliating positions as well as we do today to make a successful lolcat.
Despite the knowledge it displays, this lolcat is terrible. Its sucks more than any other lolcat because it is simply... just... so STUPID! No one puts a cat in a damn dress and stuffs it in the chair unless they want the ASPCA or the Humane Society to come to their house and rape them. And the caption. Don't get me started; IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY! If you laughed at this lolcat, you are definitely more than 80 years old.
This lolcat is now up for display in the museum lavatory so if you are a senior citizen, it'll help you shit by laughing. For the rest of us, it exists simply to annoy.
Lolcats are just simply annoying and until 1995, we all thought they would just die out like all art (and artists). However, some idiot decided it would be funny to post a stupid picture of his cat with a caption. The lolcat was back, more annoying than ever, poisoning our precious internet. So, if you've ever wondered where the lolcat epidemic began, we've found the very first one, the one that's started it all.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|