UnNews:The Obama Report
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The Obama Report
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, February 23, 2017, 04:55:UTC)(
11 April 2009
The Obama Report (New)
By Merc Lord.
BAGHDAD, Iraq: American President Barack Obama arrived in Iraq during an unpublicized stop in his overseas visit. He spoke briefly with the President at a US air force base. He told the soldiers, American and Iraqi, and the Iraqi president that he wanted to “talk” with the “so-called terrorists.” He said that these were really misunderstood more strict religious people. He blamed “American arrogance” on the war.
WASHINGTON DC: In other news after the Jimmy Carter’s House of Wax received a 1 billion dollar bailout from the government on orders by Barack Obama, they made a life size replica of the First Lady. Critics’ claim that it is almost a perfect match, this reporter isn’t so sure.
CHICAGO, Illinois; TAMPA BAY, Florida: Chia, the plant growing company recently made a plant that looks like Barack Obama. Walgreens pharmacy pulled it off the shelves for it being considered “racist by some” Yeah, It wasn’t racist when Mr. T had a Chia plant! Tut-tut-tut.
JUNEA, Alaska: Sarah Palin made a speech earlier today: “As a maverick (wink here) I must say that I disagree with Obama. Not because I’m a conservative and he’s a liberal. (wink here) Nor is it because we ran against each other in a vicious slander filled race. (wink here) But because he is a…non-maverick. (wink here) And we can’t have non-maverick running this country. (wink here) We have to have hockey moms! (wink here) Obama wants less missiles cause we have to bailout some our economy. (wink here) But what about us mavericks? (wink here) Mavericks need missiles to blow up stuff. (wink here) So I think…”
Governor Palin then fainted from exhaustion in her eye. Doctors say that she will survive, but may lose the sight in her right eye. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, currently acting as secretary of health, said the injury was probably caused by arrogance, not exhaustion, and apologised for it to the visitors from the Kingdom of Lesotho.