UnNews:The Loch Ness Monster: New Scientific Discovery!
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The Loch Ness Monster: New Scientific Discovery!
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, February 13, 2016, 17:41:UTC)(
25 July 2007
Scientists who have been doing research on the "Loch Ness Monster" have now made an important discovery! Nessie is not a reptile monster at all! In fact, The Loch Ness Monster has been officially confirmed to be the penis of a giant prehistoric whale. Many Nessie enthusiasts asked the scientists "Is this some kind of fucking joke? The scientists have solid evidence, however: a fragment of the whale's penis.
The huge penis of this giant whale sometimes drifts to the top of the water due to the extreme currents and the fact that the fish keep thinking it's a giant worm and try to eat it. Instead of eating it however, the fish just simply give the giant whale multiple orgasms from their multiple blow jobs from multiple fish at one time. Since the giant whale has rarely been seen coming to the surface to breathe, some scientists hypothesize that it can breathe using its huge penis.
- "Is the "extinct" Basilosaurus actually the Loch Ness Monster?". 50birds.com, July 25, 2007