UnNews:The Great Wall of China continues to grow

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The Great Wall of China continues to grow

Straight talk, from straight faces

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Friday, March 23, 2018, 15:42:59 (UTC)

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20 April 2009


Chinese officals say the Great Wall of China has grown thanks to Chinese deities, and not the 'volunteers' seen here lugging bricks from end to end.

BEIJING, China- The Great Wall of China, the primary defence of the nation since the Ming dynasty, has grown in size in recent weeks according to Chinese government reports. A two-week mapping study has discovered that the wall spontaneously lengthened to 8,850km from 5,000km just a few fortnights ago.

"This is incredible" said Qin Shi Huang, a man who lives in a burrowed out section of the wall. "Great China still great, wall keep out Stalinists from north." Moments after I spoke to Huang, several suspicious men approached him to ask if he wanted to help the "the Peoples efforts increasing our Great Wall's length", to which he responded vigorously in the affirmative. He was then tossed onto a nondescript blue van, which drove off into the Gobi desert.

Press releases from official channels in Beijing indicate that Chinese dragons, mostly 5 toed Imperial Dragons, are magically lengthening the Wall, and "not slaves. Nope, not slaves." Celebrations in honour of the Mandarin Dragon Deities will be held throughout the country tomorrow, in lieu of this weeks' public beheadings of bankers.

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