UnNews:The Great Wall of China continues to grow

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (tidied up)
 
Line 2: Line 2:
 
{{date|20 April 2009}}
 
{{date|20 April 2009}}
 
[[Image:Chinagreatwall.jpg|thumb|right|Chinese officals say the Great Wall of China has grown thanks to Chinese deities, and not the 'volunteers' seen here lugging bricks from end to end.]]
 
[[Image:Chinagreatwall.jpg|thumb|right|Chinese officals say the Great Wall of China has grown thanks to Chinese deities, and not the 'volunteers' seen here lugging bricks from end to end.]]
'''BEIJING, China'''- The Great Wall of [[China]], the primary defence of the nation since the Ming dynasty, has grown in size in recent weeks according to Chinese [[government]] reports. A two-week mapping study has discovered that the wall has materialised further, and is 8,850km long, not 5,000km as it was just a few fortnights ago.
+
'''BEIJING, China'''- The Great Wall of [[China]], the primary defence of the nation since the Ming dynasty, has grown in size in recent weeks according to Chinese [[government]] reports. A two-week mapping study has discovered that the wall spontaneously lengthened to 8,850km from 5,000km just a few [[British|fortnight]]s ago.
   
''"This is incredible"'' said '''Qin Shi Huang''', a man who lives directly inside one of the series of walls, ''"Great China still great, wall keep out [[Stalin|Stalinists]] from [[Russia|north]]."'' Moments after I spoke to Huang, several [[men in black|suspicious men]] approached him to ask if he wanted to [[slave|help the wall grow further]], of which he gave an impassioned, positive response. Almost immediately, Huang was snatched away into a van which then speeded off.
+
''"This is [[meh|incredible]]"'' said '''Qin Shi Huang''', a man who lives in a burrowed out section of the wall. ''"Great China still great, wall keep out [[Stalin|Stalinists]] from [[Russia|north]]."'' Moments after I spoke to Huang, several [[men in black|suspicious men]] approached him to ask if he wanted to [[slave|help the ''"the Peoples efforts increasing our Great Wall's length"'']], to which he responded vigorously in the [[lies|affirmative]]. He was then tossed onto a nondescript blue van, which drove off into the [[Oklahoma|Gobi]] desert.
   
The power behind the growth has been credited to the spirit of [[Chinese]] [[dragon|dragons]] that envelope the borders of China, and ''"not slaves. Nope"'' said representatives of the government, despite the number of 'volunteers' seen operating on the opposite ends of the wall. A day of celebrations is to be held across China tomorrow to recognise the power of the Mandarin dragon [[Gods|deities]], which will follow immediately after the weekly beheadings of [[capitalist|feudal landowners]].
+
Press releases from official channels in [[Beijing]] indicate that [[Chinese]] [[dragon|dragons]], mostly 5 toed '''Imperial Dragons''', are [[magic]]ally lengthening the Wall, and ''"not slaves. Nope, not slaves."'' Celebrations in [[honour]] of the '''Mandarin Dragon Deities''' will be held throughout the [[country]] tomorrow, in lieu of this weeks' public beheadings of [[banker]]s.
   
 
== Sources ==
 
== Sources ==
Line 16: Line 16:
   
 
[[Category:Asia]][[Category:China]]
 
[[Category:Asia]][[Category:China]]
  +
[[category:Magic]]
  +
[[category:Communism]]

Latest revision as of 01:31, April 21, 2009

This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!

20 April 2009

Chinagreatwall

Chinese officals say the Great Wall of China has grown thanks to Chinese deities, and not the 'volunteers' seen here lugging bricks from end to end.

BEIJING, China- The Great Wall of China, the primary defence of the nation since the Ming dynasty, has grown in size in recent weeks according to Chinese government reports. A two-week mapping study has discovered that the wall spontaneously lengthened to 8,850km from 5,000km just a few fortnights ago.

"This is incredible" said Qin Shi Huang, a man who lives in a burrowed out section of the wall. "Great China still great, wall keep out Stalinists from north." Moments after I spoke to Huang, several suspicious men approached him to ask if he wanted to help the "the Peoples efforts increasing our Great Wall's length", to which he responded vigorously in the affirmative. He was then tossed onto a nondescript blue van, which drove off into the Gobi desert.

Press releases from official channels in Beijing indicate that Chinese dragons, mostly 5 toed Imperial Dragons, are magically lengthening the Wall, and "not slaves. Nope, not slaves." Celebrations in honour of the Mandarin Dragon Deities will be held throughout the country tomorrow, in lieu of this weeks' public beheadings of bankers.

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects