UnNews:The Flying Purple People Eaters and what YOU can do to stop them!

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This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

12 January 2009

EARTH, Milkyway Galaxy - We've all heard of them. They hide in your closet, under your bed, and in that crack between your wall and your refridgerator. THEY ARE EVEN IN YOUR TOILET. They eat human/animal flesh and thrive off the pain and destruction of war and cannibalism. Of course, I am referring to The Flying Purple People Eaters. They have been around for millions of years, and according to most scientists, WAAAY before people. Yet so many people still deny they exist. I'm here to show you how to protect yourself from the ever-real threat known as TFPPE's.

Okay, step 1. Put a paper bag over your head and scream the magic chant "Ira(a is pronounced as in ape) Pedonkees" when surrounded by people.

Step 2 is to act like a complete jackass. Trust me, they HATE it when you do that.

Step 3 is to run around outside naked screaming either "I'M GAY" or "YOUR MAMA'S CHEST HAIR!!"

They love their mothers and HATE homosexuals and naked people.

Report by: Your Refrigerator and Other Domestic Electrical Appliances

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