UnNews:The Big Top becomes big business
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The Big Top becomes big business
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, October 28, 2016, 10:26:UTC)(
20 January 2007
“It’s good advertising,” Eugene Oregon, a spokesman for Oscar Mayer, told Unnews’ reporter Lotta Lies. “Carnivals crisscross the country, visiting city and town after city and town. By providing our signature Weinermobiles as bumper cars, we get our product’s name in the public eye in a fun and entertaining way.”
Indy Gestion, a McDonald’s representative agreed. “It’s cheap but very effective. We make sure there’s a Ronald McDonald at every carnival and, whenever possible, a Hamburgler or a Grimace, as well. They act out skits in which Hamburgler robs Ronald or Grimace, scarfing down his ill-gotten goods while he tells the watching kids, ‘See? Sometimes, crime does pay! The children just love it.”
“We don’t have bumper cars or clowns,” Gary Indiana, a spokesman for General Mills, maker of Trix cereal, said. “But we do have a fabulous attraction that draws a lot of attention--and a lot of laughter--at carnivals. It’s a Rube Goldberg contraption--an impossibly complicated machine that has a simple purpose. It’s built by the rabbit who’s always trying to get a bowl of the raspberry red, lemon yellow, and orange orange cereal but it always frustrated by children. The machine, despite its intricacy, works, but just as the rabbit is about to seize his hard-won reward, a boy and a girl jump out, grab the bowl of cereal, and chide the inventor, exclaiming, ‘Silly rabbit! Trix are for kids!’ It’s the best advertising strategy we’ve ever come up with, far better than TV ads.”
Carnivals welcome these rides, performers, and attractions because they are new, and their novelty delights and entices young people. “Kids get tired of Tilt-a-Whirls, roller coasters, swings, and Ferris wheels,” Ima Carney, Vice-President of The American Carnival Association said. “They become bored with clowns and mimes and men on stilts. They’ve seen too many games. They want something different, something novel, something fresh. The Weinermobile, the McDonald mascots, and the Trix attraction are exactly what we’ve been looking for to energize our shows.”
“It’s a win-win situation for everyone--the companies, the carnivals, and the kids,” Carney said.