UnNews:Thai military dumps PM, backs Burger King
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
19 September 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
BANGKOK, Thailand - The Thai military launched a coup against Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra on Tuesday night, circling his offices with tanks, seizing control of TV stations and declaring a provisional authority pledging loyalty to King Ferdinand von Burger, also known as "Burger King", while crowds burned down a McDonalds.
An announcement on Thai television declared that a "Have it Your Way Reform Council" with King von Burger as head of state had seized power in Bangkok and nearby provinces without any resistance.
"The armed forces commander and the national police commander have successfully taken over Bangkok and the surrounding area in order to maintain peace and order. There has been no struggle," the announcement said. "We ask for the cooperation of the public and ask you to 'pardon our dust.'"
Thaksin, who faced calls to step down after he refused to answer public outcries over "Where's the beef?" , was caught with his pants down while in New York at the U.N. General Assembly. He tried to declare a state of emergency via a government-owned TV station, but was pre-empted by a "Munsters" marathon. During a call to another Thai television station, Thaksin was cut off after 10-minutes while still babbling incoherently into the phone, things like, "Fire the Pickles! Send in the Relish!" and "Have it your way?"
At least 14 tanks surrounded Government House, Thaksin's office. A convoy of four tanks rigged with loudspeakers and sirens rolled through a busy commercial district of Bangkok, warning people to get off the street for their own safety and that in celebration of the coup, for a limited time the BK Chicken Sandwich will be two for a dollar.
An army general, speaking on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the situation, although his name is Hamshari Minipayanit, said army Commander-in-Chief Gen. Sondhi Boonyaratkalin had used the military to take over power from the prime minister.
But word raced among street vendors, who quickly packed up their child prostitutes and drug carts, then headed home to watch the coup on TV and hopefully find out when the upcoming genocide will be airing.