UnNews:Terrorists destroy pie factory
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Terrorists destroy pie factory
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, August 23, 2017, 08:29:UTC)(
10 April 2009
A pie factory in Bradford has exploded, some people were hurt. The Al Qaeda faction Al Qae Quichea has claimed responsibility. The group hate the west and all British and Americans due to preference for Pies over Quiches. Mr Kipling went into hiding least week due to the Fatua placed on his head by the pieatolla of the extremist movement ‘Mohammed al steak and kidney’
edit reaction to the attack
World leaders were quick to conndem the attack. The American government have already sent 1 billion pies over to Britain in order to ensure they can whether the slight loss of pie production in the country whilst they rebuild the pie factory.
Barack Obama and some Scottish guy who liked a lot like Mr Bean gave a press conference this morning to show their unity and to tell the world that they intend to remain strong and will not give in to terrorists. “When asked if we can combat this threat? I say yes we can. Can we still eat pies even though other countries try to stop us? Yes we can. Can we pretend that I have a third question to answer with my catch phrase? Yes we can.”
edit History of Al Qae Quichea
Al Qae Quichea broke away from the main group Al Qaeda after 9/11. They had promised that only the pies in the hijacked airplanes would be harmed. In return they supplied the pilots with very tasty quiches to keep them motivated during the long haul flight.
They had been based in the northwest of England and aimed to attack pie factories all over England but the police foiled the plans. They raided the apartments and covered all of the quiches in foil so that they could not be used to harm innocent pies.
edit the attack could have been stopped
The horrible attack on the pie factory could have been avoided if a high ranking police officer hadn’t forgotten that terrorists can read. He walked up to the British Prime minister’s house with all of the details of the police operation in his hand for all of the press to photograph. One member of Al Qae Quichea went in to hiding in purple hell (also known as a Travelodge) before carrying out what would have been his target during the attack on his own.
Seven people were inside the factory at the time of explosion. Al Jazzera have claimed the death toll was nine hundred and thirty three million.