UnNews:Terrorists across the globe condemn inefficiency of Oslo attacks
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Terrorists across the globe condemn inefficiency of Oslo attacks
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 29, 2016, 17:01:UTC)(
23 July 2011
OSLO, Norway -- Friday's attacks in Norwegian capital Oslo by right-wing, Christian terrorists which left a total of just 92 dead have been widely condemned for their "inefficiency" and "wasted potential" by terrorist groups worldwide. The first attack, a fertilizer bomb placed outside government buildings in the capital, left a mere 7 dead, with many more left able to walk away with scrapes and bruises. A second attack occurred in the immediate aftermath of the bombing in Oslo, at a youth camp on Utoeya island, as the perpetrator (using a shoddy police suit he picked up at a nearby costume store as a disguise) opened fire on the residents, killing just 85 children out of a possible 700.
The first to respond to news of the attacks was longtime Belfast statesman Gerry Adams, representing Sinn Fein who said that "in my day, an attack like this was just something the young lads would do for fun around marching season," adding that, "Hardly a day would go by when you wouldn't find a few dozen Orangemen dead around Belfast."
Terry Nichols, one of the three indicted in the 1995 Oklahoma City Bombing, publicly exclaimed his dismay at what he viewed as an, "excessive amount of fertilizer used," by the bomber. "The guy bought six tons, for chrissakes, you could feed an entire goddamned FEMA operation with the food grown from it. To only kill seven people is a travesty of bomb-making."
The response to the attacks has been almost universal, spanning all causes and political beliefs, including Islamic jihadists.
"Sheer cowardice," said Adam Gadahn, spokesperson for Al-Qaida, "Typical of Western Christian kuffar to be so unwilling to martyr themselves for their cause."
"Pussies," he added.
The most surprising response, however, came from Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North, a major player in the Iran-Contra Affair of the 1980s, who is quoted as simply saying, "It ain't shit."'
- Staff "Insurgents worldwide condemn Norwegian 'cowardice' and 'excess'". CNN, July 23, 2011