UnNews:Terrorist cells found organizing in President's colon
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Terrorist cells found organizing in President's colon
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, May 26, 2016, 12:50:UTC)(
23 July 2007
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WASHINGTON DC - UNN The White House announced today that an Al-Qaeda network of cells has been discovered in the large intestine of President George Bush. The President, who underwent a colonoscopy on Saturday morning at Camp David, had been saying for weeks that he had had a gut feeling that something was about to blow.
Bush, who transferred his powers as titular President of the United States to Vice President Dick Cheney, was said to be feeling good following the procedure, however Dr. Richard Tubbs stated that he has been in touch with Pentagon officials on how best to deal with the cells.
“The President is no immediate danger,” stated Tubbs who then went on to say that he didn’t think that “adding the Presidents colon to the current troop surge underway in Iraq would be beneficial.”
The cells which are clustered throughout the Presidents colon are young and potentially dangerous, still the President felt well enough to chase after sticks thrown by the Vice President for Bush and his two Scotty dogs.
The First Lady, Laura Bush, opted to visit her mother in Texas rather than stay by the side of the President during the procedure. “George is in the best of hands – or should I say that the best of hands is inside of George!”
Several hours after the results of the colonoscopy, Al Jazeera television aired a taped message from Al Qaeda that simply said “Who is up the Infidel now, Bitch?”