UnNews:Tentacle Monster Raped by Schoolgirl
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Tentacle Monster Raped by Schoolgirl
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, July 3, 2015, 06:44:UTC)(
9 September 2008
edit Tentacle Monster Raped by Schoolgirl
Kanto, Japan- An unnamed tentacle monster was victim of a rape perpetrated by a schoolgirl today. The monster described her as having freakishly large eyes, a tiny nose with no nostrils, long, clumped, pink hair, and at starvation level thinness. She was wearing a thin white shirt and lacy panties and had extraordinary long limbs, especially her legs. The tentacle monster was nearly inconsolable and was reduced to tears when questioned about the event. Eventually, the victim was calmed down to the point where it offered the following description of the event: "I was standing in the back of a dark alleyway, innocently lurking, when a young girl in skimpy clothing wandered by. She paused at the mouth of the alleyway and looked at me, somehow strangely illuminated while her surroundings were enshrouded in shadows. She asked me what I was doing while looking at me with eyes that reflected so much light I was blinded. I shrugged of my coat and tried to fill as many of her orifices with my appendage tentacles as I could while cackling maniacally in a deep voice (author's note: This behavior is an informal greeting ritual among tentacle monsters, similar to meeting someone with a twisted hand gesture and the vocalization 'sup.'). She moved faster than I could act. Before I had a chance to run she grabbed me and... and.. oh god, WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THAT!? WHAT IS OUR WORLD COMING TO!? WWWHHHYYY?!" Several suspects were apprehended and the perpetrator was picked out of a line up. The offender was arrested and taken away. She was cited as "doing it for the lulz."