UnNews:Television networks discover no one watches advertisements; we're all doomed

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Television networks discover no one watches advertisements; we're all doomed

Democracy Dies with Dignity

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Friday, March 23, 2018, 17:33:59 (UTC)

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16 May 2007


Part of a recent CocaCola advertising campaign. You won't recognise it.

The current era of life on earth may be about to come to an end, as television networks across the world discover that nobody watches television advertisements. In what has been described as an "idiotic" and "senseless" move, ITV managing director Simon Shaps's nine-year old son yesterday told his father that:

"nobody watches them anyway so why can't we have more cartoons instead?"

This single moment of stupidity has severely jeapardised the economic stability of the western world, with some experts believing the event may precipitate a third world war. It also means I may have to pay to watch Countdown.

With the loss of advertising revenue, many television networks are expected to fold, leading to widespread fears that another "Wall Street crash" could follow. More importantly, free television may become a thing of the past for citizens all across the world. People may be forced to find new ways to vegetate their minds and wait for an eventual relief from the squalid hell-hole of their life.

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
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