UnNews:Teens Imitate GTA in New York
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Teens Imitate GTA in New York
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, August 24, 2016, 21:42:UTC)(
28 June 2008
June 26, 2008 NEW HYDE PARK, NEW YORK: Six local teenagers were arrested after several robberies, muggings and attempted carjacking, and, because they would TOTALLY blurt that out to the police, they were reported to have been inspired by "Grand Theft Auto," a video game so vile, it has to be put in quotes rather than Italics.
It took several hours to track down the teenagers, mainly becuase they found adrenaline underneath some stairs outside a building, and found a bribe star, lowering their wanted level by one star. They were reportedly wielding a broomstick, a crowbar, and a baseball bat, which can do a whopping 30 points of damage.
According to local police, they were BUSTED outside of a Pay 'n' Spray right before they had a chance to get in after being clubbed to the ground with nightsticks. Their weapons were confiscated and local police took a $50 bribe, because the teenagers did not have the standard $500 on them at the time.
Archvile lawyer Jack Thompon had this to say:
"This game is terrible. Nobody should be expected to know the distinction between fiction and reality. We have to crush all industry and free speech (except mine) and redistribute wealth in a socialist manner in the process. That's what *totally* makes me a conservative!"
Jack Thompson is currently facing potential permananent disbarment, as well as a potential exorcism. The exorcism will be particularly difficult, considering the fact that his attacks cannot be dodged unless the exorcist hides behind a wall. According to Pope Benedict XVI, a BFG 9000 may be necessary.
- "6 teens arrested in NY crime spree". [[wikipedia:|]], June 26, 2008