UnNews:Teen gun expert shoots self in foot
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.|
3 March 2009
APPALLEESAWFOOGANYMEDESVILLE, Florida -- 15-year-old gun nut Aiken Payne is a vocal opponent of firearms control laws despite his youthful age. While still in the first grade at school he regularly accompanied his father Grand Wizard Dick Payne to the local firing range and learned to shoot. "I never saw a kid who shot like my son does," says Mr. Payne, "I guess that boy just loves guns." Before long he was also joining his father's gun club on hunting expeditions, making his first kill aged just seven when he shot an animal in Oklahoma. As a regular contributor to America's 1st Freedom, the news journal of the National Rifle Association, one would expect Aiken to be an expert on all gun-related issues.
Aiken surely considers himself such an expert too, which explains why he felt perfectly safe when he toyed with a 9mm Ruger pistol belonging to the father of his friend, 14-year-old Al Bebach, recently. Al's mother - who describes herself as a liberal - says, "I felt uncomfortable seeing him play with the gun, which I prefer not to have in the house at all but my husband works as a police officer and as such keeps a number of guns in the home." She asked him to stop and put the gun back in its metal cabinet, but Aiken decided now would be the ideal opportunity to demonstrate that a gun in safe hands is in no way dangerous. "I just wanted to show Mrs. Bebach that it was perfectly OK," he says, "I consider it the right of every American to own a gun - well, except for darkies, of course - and the duty of every responsible gun owner to educate that a gun isn't dangerous."
To make his point, he pointed the gun at the floor and pulled the trigger. Predictably, it turned out to be loaded and blew a hole straight through his right foot. "I still don't believe guns are dangerous," said Aiken yesterday, recovering from 'non-life threatening injuries' in his hospital bed, "it's people stupid enough to leave a gun loaded whilst it's not in use." Proving, all in all, nothing about the old saying that "It's not guns that kill people - it's stupidity" and rather a lot about the old European belief that Americans have no understanding of the concept of irony.