UnNews:Tee-shirt jokes not so funny anymore

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18 January 2007

Teeshirt

SUN BEACH, MD - Tee-shirt manufacturers have long relied on wit and humor to sell tee shirts. Unfortunately for them, the recent decline in both have hurt sales. Humor, it seems, isn’t so funny anymore.

Deta Follin, owner of Tittering Tees, told UnNews reporter Lotta Lies that “the incompetence of comedy writers has hurt my business. For too long, they’ve labored under the misapprehension that a girl’s boobs are funny enough by themselves to sell shirts. They thought they could put anything on the front of a tee and, if it appeared over a girl’s breasts, it would get a few titters. It doesn’t, not anymore.”

Customer Penelope Gale agreed. “I used to buy shirts, but I don’t waste my money on them anymore. They’re just not funny.”

Follin showed some of her tees, reading their captions:

Finish your beer! There are sober kids in India.
Size does matter!
Lawyers have feelings, too. Allegedly.

“Where’s the humor?” Follin demanded. “I can’t sell shirts like these.”

In the hope of beefing up the humor, she has fired her current joke supplier in favor of a semi-retired screenwriter who was praised, in his day, for his quick wit, his savage satire, and his arousing drollery. “He wrote some of the presidential speeches for the perennial candidate and loser Pat Paulsen. Remember him?”

When Lies admitted that she hadn’t heard of Paulsen, Follin looked worried. “Maybe I hired the wrong guy,” she said, showing off her new line of tee shirts:

A weeping two-year-old boy, urinating, misses his target, the toilet bowl. The caption: “If at first you don’t succeed, cry, cry again.”
A prepubescent girl in a halter top, the caption, emblazoned across her chest: “Under development.”
A curvy girl in a bikini, above a caption that reads “My tee-shirt is sexier than yours.”

“Mark them half price,” Ginny Morris, a department store buyer suggested, “and put a big ‘clearance’ sign next to them--and fire the new guy.”

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