|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
20 May 2010
SYDNEY, Australia. The victim of a mugging today gave his thanks to tedious, unfunny internet memes beloved by stupid teenagers and witless bandwagon-jumpers for chasing off his attackers.
"Strewth, copper" said the unstereotypical Aussie. "I was just heading back to me yute with some shrimps for the barbie when I was set-upon by some bogans. Luckily, some fucking tiresome fucking ninjas were busy fighting some fucking pirates nearby, probably as part of the Pirate-Ninja War, and their battle spilled into the alleyway where I was being mugged. The mugging bastards ran off pretty quickly, I can tell you. They're as fucking sick of ninjas and pirates as everyone else."
Both Mr T and Chuck Norris were conspicuous by their absence but their press officers claimed that these two tiresome memes had been "busy elsewhere" with Chuck Norris in particular currently dedicating his time to "Promoting "Chuck Norris Facts" to the British tabloid the Daily Mail who have only just found out about it".
A spokespirate for the pirates told UnNews "YAAAAARRR!!! Landlubber! Pieces of eight!". Our reporter just had to laugh. Those pirates, eh?
UnNews tried to contact one of the ninjas for his take on the event but our reporter was unable to find them because NINJAS can hide anywhere due to their awesomeness!!!1.