UnNews:Team USA's Solo levels shocking taunting allegations at sixth grade classmate
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Team USA's Solo levels shocking taunting allegations at sixth grade classmate
Where man always bites dog
Wednesday, July 8, 2015, 02:58:UTC)(
15 August 2012
SEATTLE, Washington -- In her new tell-all memoir, U.S. Women's Soccer goaltender Hope Solo makes the explosive allegation that when they were in the sixth grade together at Sacajawea Elementary School in Richland, Washington, classmate Lisa Metcalf called her a "poopy-head".
"I was playing two-square on the blacktop with Marcus Dufresne" the excerpt in question begins, "when Lisa totally moved in and claimed that Marcus was her boyfriend and I needed to scram. I said let's let Marcus decide that. Marcus just shrugged and smiled. I was soooo mad! I stomped away and Lisa shouted 'poopy-head!' at me! I cried and told the teacher, but she said Marcus can choose who he wants to play with. Well, I think it was the wrong decision and anyone who knows anything about the game of two-square knows that. I mean, she lost that game to him four to nothing, when I totally would have beaten him."
When tracked down at her suburban Ann Arbor, Michigan home, Metcalf was adamant. "First off, that was... what? Twenty years ago? And secondly, the allegation is completely false. I did not call Solo a poopy-head as she claims in her book. I would have gotten detention immediately had this allegation been true. I have openly discussed the events of that day on the blacktop in the past, and this is the first time an allegation like this has been brought to light."
When asked about Metcalf's contention that it was a long time ago and she needs to just get over it, Solo replied "I'm pretty and I'm famous. What is Lisa now? Right? Hah!"
Solo has subsequently gone on to collect Olympic gold medals in Beijing and at this year's London games.