UnNews:Teacher suspended for playing inappropriate metal song to children

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29 November 2012

SOUTH LYON, Michigan -- A Michigan school teacher was suspended without pay today, as it was shockingly revealed to the world that she had played a highly inappropriate song for her First Grade class.

The teacher is accused of playing the song Die Motherfucker Die for the children during their class, which outraged and horrified parents. "I was in shock," says local housewife and notorious MILF Sarah Conyers. "I mean, why couldn't she have played them a nice, safe song, like something advocating same-sex relationships, instead of playing a horrible song that's simply about swearing and death?"

Other parents agreed with this sentiment, voicing their opinions that it would have been much nicer to have their kids learn to tolerate the local homosexual community rather than learn about murdering and swearing. When confronted about her highly outrageous behavior, teacher Susan Johnson expressed confusion: "I really don't understand," she told UnNews, "I was just trying to teach the children that they're all little mother-fuckers. I hate those brats, and I assumed their parents did too. When I chose Die Motherfucker Die for them, I assumed they would get the message that I wanted each and every one of them to just fucking DIE. Why their parents disagree with me is anyone's guess."

Susan Johnson is banned from teaching at her school for several weeks, until she gets her act together. "She's probably just on her period or something," said 43-year-old unmarried, never-dated-a-woman principal Chris Kingsley. "Women get those, I think. I'm sure she'll calm down after her little 'unpaid vacation'."

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