UnNews:Tea Party wave arrives at wrong capitol
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
|This article is part of UnNews||Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard|
3 January 2011
OLYMPIA, Washington -- One hundred new Republican legislators--including enough to take control of the House of Reprehensibles--have arrived at the capital in Washington--the state of Washington, raising the possibility that the House in D.C. will remain in Democratic hands.
The wave of young solons, supported by the Tea Party movement, arrived in Olympia by bus, seemingly unaware that it is a state capital rather than the national one. Voters weary of the large bills passed by--and spent by--more experienced lawmakers had accepted the newcomers' promise that they would learn the ropes of governance as they went along, trusting that they knew the capitol is on the east side of the country.
The Washington state legislature was in session when they arrived and was not disposed to let the out-of-staters participate.
Marco Rubio, the Senator-elect from Florida, campaigned on a total repeal of President Obama's health care reform, but was disappointed to find that the subject was nowhere on the agenda in Olympia. "I presume the bill is originating over in the House," he said.
Frank Guinta, the newly elected Republican Congressman from New Hampshire, said, "I was kind of embarrassed. I campaigned on spending cuts and deficit reductions, but now they tell me the budget is already balanced.
"I plan to confer with Speaker John Boehner on our initial agenda," Mr. Guinta added. "I haven't run into him yet."
Several of the new Republican legislators promise to shift their attention to more mundane matters, such as internment camps for homosexuals, right after tackling the complete lack of office space for them in the state capitol.
On the other coast, an elated Nancy Pelosi, who now looks to remain Speaker despite the election, clapped her hands and reprised her notorious comment on the health care law. "I have many more bills we can pass now--so the people can find out what's in them."