UnNews:Taxpayer funded study examined penis sizes in black communities
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
19 July 2011
BETHESDA, Maryland -- On top of having to bail out insatiated elitist banksters, US tax paying sheeple have also gotten stuck with the bill for funding a study that examined what effect melanin-challenged males’ penis size had on their business acumen.
The study was among several backed by the Bureau of Measurements (BOM) that have come under scrutiny from tax payers who claim the agency is wasting tax dollars taking penis measurements at a time when the country is trying to alternately feed and bomb foreign countries. This particular research resulted in a 2009 report titled, “The Association Between Penis Size and Business Savvy Among Black Pimps.”
The study reported, among its findings, that black men with “below average penises” (less than 16 inches in length) were more likely to assume a “bottom” sexual position, while those with “above average penises” (more than 16 inches in length) were more likely to assume a “top” sexual position. While those pimps with no penis were most likely to fail in the prostitution business.
Though it's difficult to trace exactly how much federal funding went to the project, the study was one of many linked to an $80,000,000 grant in 2006. The grant was administered by the Bureau of Measurements, and went first to a group called National Endowment for Development of Research Catering to Black Pimps (NEDRCBP).
Those researchers then compiled data from a survey of more than 100,000 African-American males who were measured using a yardstick at events in New York City for the black community.
“This country is bankrupt and we cannot spend money on this kind of bunk,” said Andy Lafferty, some dude who knows absolutely fuck-all. Unintentionally Lafferty drew attention to the report of a six-month investigation into useless BOM grants as examples of “intellectual waste.”
“We're spending money on wacky stuff,” Lafferty said. “We have more important things to do with tax revenues than measuring black cocks, such as building more cruise missiles and MOAB bombs to back up the anarchy perpetrated by the Libyan Al-Qaeda terrorists on the CIA’s payroll.“
But one of the researchers involved with the report totally forgot to say that BOM funding was not used to help “analyze” data that had already been collected before bilking of the public became a hot topic.
“After measurements were taken, the data was not analyzed using taxpayer funds,” Jeffrey Parsons, a professor with Hunter College, said in an email. “Tax revenues were used to measure but not to analyze.”
Parsons took issue with Lafferty's depiction of the project.
“To suggest that eighty million dollars was spent to study black penis sizes is factually inaccurate and simply designed to scare Caucasian, Latin and Oriental children into getting better grades,” Parsons wrote.
The study, which last year was published in Hustler Magazine, found that black men with larger penises were more likely to work their hos to death faster than those pimps with smaller dicks.
The original survey had a relatively high response rate -- with 99.7 percent of those approached agreeing to participate. “Those who completed the survey were given a voucher for admission to a government ‘Glory Hole’ booth where they had their penis lengths surreptitiously measured,” the study said.
- Judson Beaver "Study Examined Effects of Penis Size in Gay Community". Fox News, July 19, 2011