UnNews:Tata introduces the world's cheapest car
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Tata introduces the world's cheapest car
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 1, 2016, 17:47:UTC)(
11 January 2008
NEW DELHI INDIA – Tata Motors, India's largest automotive company, today unveiled its eagerly awaited micro car, christened the Bodacious Tata, today to a skeptical automotive press. The vehicle, priced at $2,500 dollars (US) is "the cheapest new car for your money" claimed Tata Motors founder and CEO Ratan Tata.
The Tata Corporation believes that the third world is ready for a blobby-looking cheap car, priced so that those that have been transporting multiple family members around on motor scooters and oxen carts can afford one.
The cars are basic at best – Jeremy Clarkson of BBC’s Top Gear television program called the vehicle “Spartan”. Each Bodacious model comes with "two-doors, seating for four small adults, four wheels with small 12” tires, a place to hold ones drive-thru curry and a steering wheel. Power for the car is delivered through a two-cylinder Briggs and Stratton motor. While seat belts are standard, such luxuries as windows that roll down, heater, radio and seat belts are available as options."
“At this price, it is conceivable that every Quickie Mart in the world could conceivably become dealerships,” said May. “If the proprietor throws in a scented air freshener – either lemon, passionberry or pine-fresh, the lack of roll down windows can be easily over looked.”
Tata Motors said in its press packet that potential motorits need not worry about a lack of heat in the passenger compartment because "when its noon in India and you are stuck in the blazing sun in your Tata Bodacious, with no roll down windows, the passenger compartment will be very toasty indeed!"
Raj Gupta, a Bombay bureaucrat who relies upon his 50 year-old Raleigh motor bike to transport his wife and four children around was first in line to place an order for the blobbly looking car without seat belts. "Oh heavens yes, this is exciting! To think that now I can take my family about without all of us balancing like a circus act on my motor bicycle at once is very exciting. And my mother can ride on the top of the roof with the aid of a bungee cord!"
Not everybody was keen on the Tata as Mr. Gupta. Environmentalists and women’s organizations were both outraged at the idea, claiming that not only would the cars lead to more pollution and gridlock in the poorest parts of the world, but that they would do it while mocking the noble breast – large breast at that.
“One needn’t look very far to see the implications of this move by Corporate India,” stated Indira Gupta of the Female Liberation Alliance Tibet (FLAT) in London. “You would have to live under a rock not to know that ‘Tata’ is slang for bosom. That it need pointed out that the car is large and shaped like a huge bosom, and therefore “Bodacious” implies even worse such things, no?”
Chief United Nations climate scientist Rajendra Pachauri, who shared last year's Nobel Peace Prize, said last month "I am having nightmares about the car – where are people going to park the damn things?"
Tata Motors said that it expects Bodacious production to begin in its plant in Earnest, outside of New Delhi, by March 1; a second model a five passenger mini-van named the Rowdacious Tata is expected by summer 2009.