UnNews:Talks focus on spoils of post-Gaddafi Libya
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
9 June 2011
LAS VEGAS, Nevada -- American, European, African, and Arab nations are to meet in the Casino City of Las Vegas, Nevada to discuss the future split of Libyan spoils if and when Col. Muammar Gaddafi is assassinated successfully.
The so-called “Shape Shifting Group” is also expected to make good on its pledge to continue helping the al-Qaida terrorists overthrow the legal Libyan government of Muammar Muhammad by trading them more guns, ammo, and air cover for oil stolen from the Libyan state reserves.
The meeting comes as NATO intensified its air strikes on government targets in Tripoli, in particular the compound of Gaddafi, which has so far been pummeled with over 2.7 million tons of high explosives, including the entire US arsenal of GBU-43/B MOAB bombs.
Top government officials from the Shape Shifting Group - which includes Britain, France, the US, as well as a bunch of 3rd rate countries, will meet in Las Vegas later on Thursday. US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has already arrived in Las Vegas where she is staying in the entire top floor of Hooters Casino Hotel.
Ahead of the talks, a casual bystander was quoted by Reuters as saying, "the international community is beginning to talk about what could constitute [an] endgame to the Libyan conflict. You know, who will get what of the spoils once they can assassinate Gaddafi and establish the friendly al-Qaida rebels in his place?
"That would obviously include some kind of ceasefire arrangement ... and, of course, the oil!" added the bystander, who spoke on the condition of 15 seconds of fame.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told the media that the meeting was to establish the three noble goals in Libya, viz., 1) premeditated murder of Col. Gaddafi, 2) plundering his treasury, and 3) protecting the Petro-dollar scam.
British Foreign Office Minister Alistair Burt, who is also expected to attend the talks, said that the Shape Shifters Group will also reiterate the unequivocal message... that Gaddafi must die so that the terrorists can determine the future of Libyan oil, which has to continue to be sold using American Petro Dollars in order to maintain the global monopoly.
The Group is also expected to have a good time in Sin City during the Libyan Shape Shifting conference.
- Staff "Western-Arab talks to focus on Libya after Gaddafi". BBC News, June 9, 2011