UnNews:Talking dog wins worlds biggest liar award
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Talking dog wins worlds biggest liar award
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, January 20, 2017, 03:45:UTC)(
22 November 2012
LONDON -- A record number of dog-faced liars recently competed against a real dog in northern England vying for the title of world's biggest fibber – and lost. The winning dog, a mixed Siberian Tiger Hound registered under the pseudonym Spike, easily walked away with the dung shaped award.
Judges were deliberating into the night after hours of competition at the Blagger’s Inn located in the make-believe hamlet of Bollocks. Each eager contestant had only five minutes to impress the judges with the most convincing dog-faced lie. Lots of tall-tales were spun, but no one could top Spike's preposterous claim of being a talking dog.
Last year's winner was a unicycle driver, who told an outlandish lie about training atomic-powered mechanical snails to press forward their industrial goal of justifying the Zoroastrian holy land – a completely false claim as he is actually a bearded lady confined to a wheelchair.
The annual competition was founded in honor of 20th-century pacifist, retired lord William Westmoreland, who is renowned for his tall tale of American victory in the Vietnam War – a bombastic assertion considering that people are still alive there even now.
Politicians, lawyers, bankers, used car dealers, Air Force UFO spokesmen, US presidential press secretaries, actors John Travolta, Tom Cruise, OJ Simpson and Pinocchio, as well as those with a generalized propensity to make pacts with Beelzebub – such as surviving members of the Warren and 9/11 commissions, are barred from entry in the amateur competition, as they are considered to be hard-core professionals.