UnNews:TaTu to reunite after Pussy Riot prison camp decision
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
22 October 2012
MOS-COW, Russia -- Turn of the century Russian lesbian pop sensation t.A.T.u have been urged to reform by Pussy Riot after Vladimir Putin sentenced the three-piece to serve time in a prison camp. The punk band have asked the pop duo to produce visual and musical representations of their prison experiences, and hope to take advantage of the inevitable surge in interest in the words, "pussy", "Russian", "prison" and "lez-fest".
Dr Joanna Corey, sociologist at the California State University, noted: "It's a stroke of genius from Pussy Riot. They sustained interest in the West for months based entirely on the fact that their name sounded rude. Imagine if they were called something like, I don't know, 'The Phantoms'. Or worse, some Russian name! Would you have given a shit? Of course you wouldn't. Now, not only does their prison camp sentence allow English speakers to make 'I heard Pussy Riot got badly beaten in the Gulags' jokes, their cultural importance will be reinforced in our brains by this association with the only other Russian band we know, t.A.T.u."
Since their worldwide hit, All The Things I Said, broke masturbation records in 2002, t.A.T.u.'s Yulia and Lena have disappeared from the limelight, and recently revealed they did not spend the intervening time dressing up in school uniforms and licking out each other's boxes. Despite this disappointing news, public interest in them has remained high: 90% of Google searches pertaining to Russia in the last year used versions of the band's name (a bitch to type out correctly) or variations on the phrase "lesbian schoolgirls". Now aged 40 years old, they face the familiar choice of once-famous bands: to remain forever young in the memories of their fans, or to go out there, give it their all, and try to froth up the world's loins one more time.
Superfan Simon MacDonald, who made headlines himself in 2003 after guiding himself to nine orgasms in one hour while watching their infamous "prison" video, said, "It's still an old favorite. I go back to it from time to time. I think it's tied up in my brain with adolescent discovery, so it always gets the job done." When asked about the reunion, MacDonald said, "I am happy they are coming back, I mean, even if just one nasty photoshoot comes out if it, it will be worth it. I don't know about this political shit though, I don't really get what's going on in Russia. Is it like, Communist, again, or what?"
- "Russia sends Pussy Riot women to camps east of Moscow". BBC, October 22, 2012