UnNews:TZOD UPDATE: Lights go out in Hong Kong, foreign devils invade!
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TZOD UPDATE: Lights go out in Hong Kong, foreign devils invade!
We distort, you deride
Monday, December 5, 2016, 04:39:UTC)(
28 March 2009
HONG KONG, China -- There is an ancient Chinese tradition of casting away bad luck and foreign devils in the totally Chinese city of Hong Kong called "A Symphony of Lights", where searchlights and loud fireworks were thought to scare away the beasts and bring prosperity to the town (in the form of tourism).
That long-held tradition, performed every night, was disrupted by the Time Zone of Death (a.k.a. Earth Hour). After devastating hundreds of cities just hours before in a blanket of darkness, everybody thought Hong Kong would just be another city to face the similar fate of being robbed whilst fumbling about in the dark.
They were wrong.
Instead, a plague of foreign devils and bad luck swamped the city. With no Symphony of Lights to scare away such misfortunes, it was a calamity to be reckoned with. Nobody won the lotto, people's favorite dresses were ruined by passing cars, entire blog entries were lost before they reached the servers!
If that weren't enough, half an hour into the Time Zone of Death, Godzilla was spotted off the east coast, on its way to the blackened city of Hong Kong to wreak havoc. There have even been rumors of King Kong coming in from the west, but it is not expected to reach the city before the Time Zone of Death has passed.
Meanwhile, the missiles that China had trained on Taiwan is currently being readjusted to pre-empt the beast, coming from its hometown in Japan (who is not behind the Earth Hour conspiracy desu). However, the engineers have worryingly been having difficulties.
"It's weird," said one operator, "it's as if these missiles were built to destroy Taiwan and only Taiwan la. There's no wheels to turn or nothing, it's just all bolted down la."
The Time Zone of Death is expected to last a further twenty minutes, and Godzilla is expected to make the coast in ten. If this is the last thing you'll ever read from me... that means I died.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|