UnNews:TZOD UPDATE: Dubai gets serious, culprits shot and caught
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TZOD UPDATE: Dubai gets serious, culprits shot and caught
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, July 28, 2015, 04:34:UTC)(
28 March 2009
DUBAI, United Arab Emirates -- The disaster event known as The Time Zone of Death has come to Dubai, but the Arabs aren't giving up without a fight. With their electrical lights mysteriously doused like all the other cities before it, the streets are instead illuminated by the blood-red burning of their nearby oilfields, giving away the position of their enemy for the first time.
It is, indeed, now a war zone. Shouting and gunfire ring throughout the city. The fervored cries exclaim, "You will now fucking die for trying to steal from us, you filthy little maggots! God-willing."
Hundreds of would-be thieves lay bleeding on the streets: most of them dead, and surprisingly most of them local. There are, however, a few still alive who have been taken into custody, and whose origin have not been discovered. It is believed that these few men have been hired by the unknown entity behind the Earth Hour attacks, but the authorities have not stated whether they have gotten any information out of them that may stop the advancing Time Zone of Death from progressing, nor how they are doing so.
Cries of torture can be heard behind closed doors, but nobody is saying anything of it.
Meanwhile, just fifteen minutes before The Time Zone of Death is to pass, there seems to be no end to the violence that continues to rock this city. Despite their zealous efforts to stop the thieves with their AK-47s, the citizens continue to discover that their most dear and prized possessions have gone missing.
Unless the Time Zone of Death - 8:30 P.M. local time wherever you are - is stopped, further devastation will occur in cities all over the world. The U.S. for now are pinning their hopes on the men arrested in Dubai for information that can stop this attack, before the Time Zone of Death reaches American soil in less than 8 hours from now.
- UPDATE: The authorities at Dubai claim that the detained suspects had just commited suicide by internal haemorrhaging, although the crumpled phonebooks on the floor tell otherwise. UnNews will continue to provide up-to-the-microsecond news on the ongoing worldwide catastrophe, even if it causes all hope to be lost.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|