UnNews:Syria: tension mounts as presidential elections enters final phase
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
28 May 2007
As the presidential elections enter their final round, excitement and turmoil flood the Syrian street, for the first time in many years.
Supporters of the current president, Bashar Al-Assad pour into the usually calm streets of Damascus roaring their enthusiasm for the stoned face president.
"President Assad resembles the liking of his name" exclaimed an excited supporter, Mr. Ana Bin Sharmuta "Assad means lion in Arabic, and so he is! Standing tall against the western capitalism set by the American dogs and their servants, the Zionists. He is like a tall tree in storm, never bending! Never giving up! I say - SEVEN MORE YEARS! SEVEN MORE YEARS!" and with that, the crowds shouted their enthusiastic support for their beloved president.
On the other side of the political fence, nearly evenly matched supporters of the new rising political power shout insults at their brethren.
"We are here today to show our contempt to the presiding president, Mr.Assad." said Mr. Ali Rooch-Min-Hoon. "He alienated us with the entire western world, he brought us to the brink of war with the Israelis, he supports that Iranian nut case and that Lebanese son of a motherless goat. He will be the end of us all."
"I therefore urge you all to vote for the young and promising candidate, Bashar Al-Assad! The right man for the right job! He will strengthen us all! He will rebuilt the Syrian economy! He will restore our honor! Who wants that Alawi bastard, Assad, anyhow??? BROTHERS! LET US VOTE FOR ASSAD! ASSAD FOR PRESIDENCY! ASSAD FOR PRESIDENCY!"
As the first round between the two candidates, Syrian officials claim that the gap between the two candidates seem to be extremely narrow, so a second round seems inevitable, but "Both candidates are more than capable of elevating the great Syrian nation to its rightful place among the Arab nations."