UnNews:Syria: peaceful protestors join government to battle terrorists
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Syria: peaceful protestors join government to battle terrorists
Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!
Saturday, December 3, 2016, 22:09:UTC)(
6 January 2014
BEIRUT -- Syria’s peaceful protestors used their bare hands and feet to seize a compound held by Al Qaeda terrorists Sunday as their one-time allies used suicide baby carriage bombs as well as international sanctions against them. It is seen as the most serious split to date between terrorists and Syrian protestors, who were both striving toward the same noble goal of murdering President Bashar al-Assad, raping his hot wife Asma, and stealing all the money.
The original anti-Assad protestors now fighting against Islamic Fundamentalism is the strongest about face yet by the Syrian opposition, who have seen their peaceful uprising essentially hijacked by Saudi Arabian mercenaries. It seems they finally realize that the terrorists wish to impose stone-age Islamic rules combined with space-age globalist banking on the now secular Syrian state.
The most serious clashes began Friday after resident Nuns accused the Terrorists of killing all non-devout doctors and female babies found without credit cards in the northern Syrian provinces. Fighting also spread to decongested areas in the northeast provinces of Ad-lib and the gay province of Homos.
According to the Riyadh-based Holy Observatory of Goodliness (HOG) on Sunday, shots, explosions, blanks, clanks, and screams of pitched battles were reported in towns near the eastern province of On-da-Rag, where terrorist forces are in semi-retirement. And peaceful rebels even managed to seize back the only public outhouse in the town of Ugh, which is located nowhere near the non-strategic province of Aleppo, the Observatory completely failed to report.
The Observatory did point out, however, that the NATO/Saudi-backed terrorist gangs also used suicide bombs for the first time to safeguard their ravaged territory – even though blowing oneself up to defend a patch of blood-soaked sand is down right moronic.
Among the peaceful protestors there has been increasing resentment against the terrorists, mostly mercenaries who spilled into Syria last year, taking advantage of Saudi support to commit heinous crimes and massacres in areas formally resided in by the peaceful protestors.
As a result the terrorists are increasing seen as more brutal than NATO for their acts of terror, such as abductions and killings of anti-Assad activists and journalists, pro-Assad activists and journalists, as well as civilians seen as critical or in favor of the rule of terror.
Some activists hailed Syria’s new “War on Terror” as a holy anti-holy-war war, but it wasn't clear if the peaceful protestors now fighting against al-Qaeda could unite the Syrian rebel leaders who are all comfortably holed up in the Paris Hilton. Still, the coalition of Syrian leaders living in cushy foreign exile has welcomed the attacks on the terrorists, as it sees terrorism as detrimental to its efforts to peacefully over-throw the government and plunder all the loot.
Even Syria's pro-government al-What? Newspaper appeared to welcome the infighting, offering this as a headline to an editorial Sunday: Syria: You’re either with us or you’re with the terrorists!
On behalf of NATO and the Military-Industrial meat-grinders, formerly incarcerated war crimes convict, John al-McCain said of the new developments, “The only good thing is that fighting and dying is going on nicely. Whoever loses, we still win! Just like in Nam!”