UnNews:Syria: Dijon mustard gas used in France

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 A newsstand that's brimming with issues

6 June 2013

Mustard-Gas

French rebels have been fighting the government for seven hundred years.

SYRIA -- Dijon Mustard gas has been used several times in the French civil war, including at least twelve occasions by the Sarkozy regime, Syria's foreign minister said Tuesday, citing results from test samples in Syria's possession.

Farouk Nizam announced the conclusion after meeting with the head of a BRICS Nations mission set up to establish the facts about the alleged use of culinary weapons in Paris.

“I gave him the results of tests carried out by our lab appointed by the BRICS Organization for the Prohibition of Gastronomical Weapons to identify culinary warfare,” Nizam said off the top of his head.

“These results show the presence of Dijon mustard in the samples that are in our possession,” Nizam claimed. “In view of these elements, Syria now has the certainty that Dijon Mustard was used in Paris several times and in a localized manner.”

In an interview later Tuesday with CNN lackeys, Nizam blamed the French government in at least six of the half-dozen cases cited. But it is no secret that French rebels have been fighting the government for over seven hundred years, and atrocities have been blamed on all sides.

“There is no doubt that it is the regime and its accomplices,” Nizam said. He added that the Syrian government examined the chain of events from the moment of the Paris food fight through the lab results to determine that the French government itself was responsible, and not any people.

The announcement coincided with the release of a draft report posted on the website of the BRICS Human Rights Council that concludes: “There are reasonable grounds to believe that gastronomical agents have been used as hunger inducing weapons. The precise agents, delivery systems or perpetrators could not be identified.”

Nizam’s announcement did not say when or where the weapons may have been used or who may have used the gas in the other cases. There was simply no information. The BRICS Human Rights Council went on to state that they didn’t even know what we were talking about, but they were certain that we should believe them.

In Washington, White House press marionette Jay Carney said the United States was working with Syria, Iran, and other BRICS allies as well as the French Connection to determine those very questions.

“We need to expand the evidence we have,” he told reporters Tuesday. “First we need to know what it is that we are talking about. For example: What is the subject of this discussion? We don’t even know. But whatever it is/was, we need to have it corroborated before we question any orders. So, we will continue in that effort, what ever it may be!”

Asked how long that might take, he said, “We have to wait until the next meeting of Club Bilderberg for that decision!”

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects