UnNews:Switzerland: the newest member in Axis of Evil™, the real story
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Switzerland: the newest member in Axis of Evil™, the real story
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, August 19, 2017, 07:36:UTC)(
26 June 2006
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HAIFA, SWITZERLAND -- A sinister movement is afoot in pinko Switzerland, and the shoe on that foot is GSoA, an underground radical hippie movement. Some would have us be blind to their treachery, but we at UnNews are committed to delivering on the truth. Collaborators at Wikipedia, a so-called "Open Source" media publication and sockpuppet of the left, have the following to say about GSoA:
“There is an organised movement in Switzerland (Gruppe Schweiz ohne Armee; GSoA / Groupe pour une Suisse sans Armée; GSsA - Group for a Switzerland without an Army, in English) aiming at the abolition of the military. The Swiss have voted twice on such a referendum. The first time was in 1989, when 64.4% of the voters voted in favour of maintaining the Swiss Army. The second vote was in 1999, with 76.8% in favour. The organisation is still active in antimilitaristic work and also in the anti-war movement.”
Begun by dirty beatniks in the early 1960's, GSoA members became a force on the international terror scene early in the game. Such potential disasters as the "Great London Underground Gassing of 1965" and the "Shelling of Geneva", which almost happened but didn't, due to the incompetence of GSoA operatives, made this group the number one target of war-for-profit nations.
"The thing which makes these people dangerous is their utter ignorance of military tactics," said Oberstleutnant (Lt. Col.) Horst Waffenmachtfrei from his post in the bowels of the Swiss intelligence bunker. "Their strategies are consistently brilliant, but they always fall short on execution. After consistently failing to achieve any objective at all, we fear that chance might be on their side."
Intelligence sources attribute this abysmal failure rate of 100% to the fact that all members are opposed to war and thus loath to perform para-military operations. A competing theory from Switzerland's Onyx intelligence-gathering system points to their being sissies, to the man.