|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
13 March 2007
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Orel Ulrich was detained last August after wiping his ass with the Thai baht, the third world nation's money, which has the portrait of the Thai monarch, King Bhumibol Adulyadej the Mentally Challenged. He is scheduled to be sentenced to death by whiffle ball by Thai Superior Court Judge Romartus within the next few days.
Ulrich's lawyer had this to say to the media, "He was at a night club with his mates and he had to 'drop the kids off at the pool', but when he looked around there wasn't any toilet paper, so he grabbed one of their rubbish paper notes and wiped his arse with it. Unfortunately for him, the toilet backed up, and the plumber started yelling for the cops when he saw the excrement-laden currency. The next thing he knew, he's being stripped naked and some Siamese guy is yelling at him shit he can't even understand."
The ambulance chaser continued, "At first he tried to deny that the crap on the bills belonged to him. The cops, however, forced him to deuce and then brought in a fecal taster who tasted Mr Ulrich's turd against the dung-flavored bill and determined that my client was responsible for 'desecrating the king's image'. Which according to Thai law is the same as treason or failing to sympathy flush."
He used one bill of 9,000 baht which is approximately 3 cents.