UnNews:Swingers invade Sandringham

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Swingers invade Sandringham

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07 July 2015

Swingfields

An unusual crowd witnessed first Royal christening that allowed public access after the event.

SANDRINGHAM, England-- The biggest event in the U.K.'s wife-swapping calendar kicked off with a “bang” in a paddock adjacent to the church where Princess Charlotte was being christened. Hundreds of swingers descended on the Norfolk village of Sandringham for “Swingfields 2015” without warning on Sunday.

The Swingfields Festival, conceived in July 2013, has been running every year since then in Worcestershire but moved to Sandringham, Norfolk for 2015. The Royal couple announced the Swingfest’s paddock would be open to the public on Sunday, so fans could see the baby before and after her baptism, unfortunately unaware that car keys had already started dropping into a large bucket nearby.

Royal fan and pensioner Norman Perkins, who was one of the first to arrive to see the princess, said: “We thought what a fantastic turnout, with a bustling festival atmosphere and people setting up tents and toy stalls. There were even hot tubs and massage areas, so we got very excited.

“Having travelled all the way from Thetford, my wife Marjorie said she could do with a munch, so I went to sort her out a sausage and a roll, when erm, ahem… Let’s just say when I saw a huge banner being erected with the words ‘3 is the magic number’, and a variety of interesting and enlightening images, I knew this was not your usual gathering of Royal fans.”

The Duchess of Cambridge’s mother, Carol Middleton, said the service was an absolutely beautiful affair; up to the point the Archbishop was about to anoint the Princess; when Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar on Me started blasting through the stained glass windows.”

Charlotte

Prince William tries to distract the young Prince George from the cacophony of mass humping.

Her Majesty excused herself from the church to ask the revelers to turn the music down. However, all that could be heard were shrieks, giggles, screams of “harder Derek, harder” and mass moaning.

According to the Swingfields website, festival goers can enjoy three days of live music, a themed zone, hot tubs and a sauna, a chill pool, workshops, live shows and stalls selling adult toys. It also said that while there was not a strict dress code, attendees were told 'we will expect bottom halves at least to be covered whilst in the festival arena'. However, outside the arena, it seems, anything goes.

Villager Deidre Thompson said: “We returned home from an evening bike ride on Sunday to discover a naked man in our garden trying to escape from someone, who looked just like Caroline Eaton, the Archbishop of Canterbury’s wife, dressed as Cat Woman. I was absolutely terrified. Thankfully, as soon as they saw us, they ran off; but I'm quite concerned about who else might have been coming on my land this weekend.”

Another Royal fan who wished to remain anonymous said: “It was a bit bizarre standing there waving my little flag as the Queen, Future King and Queen and fourth in line to the throne came past after the ceremony; while behind me a gentleman with a wonderful, billowing Union Jack tattoo on his back, was being spit-roasted by two aggressive women wearing strap-on penises. Mind you, it is an honor to be present at probably the first christening of a senior member of the Royal Family associated with an organized mass orgy.”

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