UnNews:Swine Flu: Murderer, or misunderstood organism?

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.

16 July 2009

H1N1Virus

On the surface, a simple organism. However, could the actions of the H1N1 virus be caused by a darker motive?

ENGLAND, United Kingdom -- As the number of Swine 'Flu related deaths rises to 29 in the UK, many people are starting to question the motives of the H1N1 virus. With the worldwide death toll at 429 - though the amount infected is thought to be in the tens of thousands - it seems WHO are waiting until the last minute to officially declare a Global Pandemic. Many Liberal Democrats MPs have recently come under fire for suggesting that the infection may not be "all that bad"; while the police are investigating how Conservative MPs managed to smuggle the air rifles into the House of Commons in the first place.

It appears that many of the public are siding with the LibDems over the issue, fearing that doctors and Government officials may be giving out a completely wrong impression of the virus. Constituencies from both the Labour and Conservative parties have been supporting the proposed talks to discuss what the actions of the virus could mean. Gloria Bwenhaven, a Cornish Conservative, spoke to UnNews, "People need to realise that the behaviour of the Swine Influenza virus could be indication of a darker side which we are yet to discover. I think there is a need for further research into certain issues that may be having an effect on the virus." She continued, "It is obvious that the actions of the virus are unacceptable, we know that it has already killed hundreds of people and continues to do so every day; if these actions had been taken by a fully developed human rather than an organism then it would suggest certain psychological disorders such as a borderline personality disorder."

Cherieblair

Swine 'Flu is known to be particularly contagious amongst the most worthless members of society.

Among those who support the suspicions of the Liberal Democrats are a series of conspiracy theorists who have been putting forward their own ideas on the virus' motives, many of which stray away from psychological reasons. One theory which has been suggested has resulted in the H1N1 Virus being nicknamed The Darwin Virus, a result of the fact that it appears to be fatal to those who already suffer from serious underlying illnesses which causes it to pick off the 'weakest' members of the population which is in keeping with Darwin's ideas surrounding the concept of the survival of the fittest. Another alias for the disease is The Fascist Virus, suggesting that it is targeting the disabled population as a first step of a cleansing process intended to be of benefit to the the Aryan Race; it cannot yet be confirmed if any members of extreme right parties such as the BNP have been directly affected.

As well as the views of politicians and conspiracy theorists, there have been a handful of people who believe that the deaths of so many people is a result of "a phase the virus is going through," apparently suggesting that it will not continue for long. Emos, people who are widely viewed as being socially inept, have been persistent in their defense of the virus. Speaking on behalf of the Emo 'fashion', Gerard Way, lead singer of My Chemical Romance discussed his band's opinions with UnNews. "Well, you know, we all go through, like, these phases when we're growing up and stuff," he claimed, "and you know some of these issues, like, stay with you all your life, you know?" Questioned as to whether or not he advocated genocide as an expression of teenage angst, he replied, "No, well, no I didn't. But, you know, but that was 'cause I thought, well, we're all going to die anyway right? H1N1 has obviously taken it further, you know, I mean, you need to look at how it was developed, if the other organisms and diseases and stuff bullied it or whatever. There's never a right or a wrong way to express these feelings in my opinion, you know?" Hundreds of online forums have been filled with teenagers praising Mr. Way for speaking on behalf of what they believe to be a "misunderstood organism".

Although it isn't entirely clear what the next step will be towards possibly providing some sort of support for Swine 'Flu, nor how humans might in some way aid it, it is clear that the entire population of the world will be studying the treatment of the Influenza with a microscope.

UnNews Logo Potato
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
Personal tools
projects