UnNews:Swastika handbag recalled
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Swastika handbag recalled
Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!
Wednesday, August 23, 2017, 17:43:UTC)(
23 September 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
MADRID - Fashion chain Zara (literally, “the Fourth Reich rises”) recalled a swastika-embroidered handbag from stores in countries in which there is a “sizeable Jewish population,” allowing the purse, which is alleged to be made of human skin, possibly of the scrotum, left over from the concentration camps of Nazi Germany, to be sold only in “mostly Gentile and anti-Semitic states” with “large neo-Nazi populations.”
A customer, Sarah Goldman, complained. “I survived the Holocaust,” she told Unnews’ reporter Lotta Lies, “but many of my family did not. Must we Jews be forever reminded of the cruelty we suffered by those who hate us because God elected us to be his chosen people?”
Other purses bear embroidered likenesses of the Nazi Fuhrer, Adolph Hitler himself, and his top military and political aids, such as Heinrich Himmler, Joseph Goebbels, and Dr. Josef Mengele. Zara has promised to limit their distribution as well and has decided to cancel designs for gas chamber and mass burial purses as “a little gauche, perhaps.”
Instead, the fashion giant will release purses embroidered with “signs and symbols of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community and depictions of the various sexual positions in which such couples typically find themselves when coupling,” which, the company’s spokesman said, “obviously won’t offend anyone.”
One of their hottest sellers, the company predicts, will be their new purses for men, which are available in pleather, velvet, and satin and in pink, lavender, and fuchsia.