UnNews:Swarm danger for Britain says Cameron
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Swarm danger for Britain says Cameron
The news outlet with approval higher than Congress
Tuesday, August 22, 2017, 00:16:UTC)(
30 July 2015
LONDON, United Kingdom -- British Prime Minister David Cameron has announced extensive measures to fight 'swarms of illegal ants' trying to enter the country and blocking the French port of Calais. Speaking from a plane flying between Singapore and Kuala Lumpur, Cameron says this 'fight' will be equal to anything the country had faced in 1940 when Hitler had conquered Europe:
"This is a real fight, not some existential battle beloved of our French neighbours. My country has long fought battles against impossible odds and now we face a huge swarm of migrants..I mean ants...crossing continents and seas to claim a council house and vote Labour. I am ready to swat them back across the sea to Calais and beyond. Now I urge President Hollande to match my toughness. These immi..ants...needs a kettle of boiling water thrown over them."
Measures taken so far to battle the illegal ants has been the issue of spray, rubber boots and sticky paper. All vehicles crossing to and from Dover will be checked for any ant activity. For those caught in a swarm of migra..ants, British Home Secretary Theresa May has recommended hat nets. Though designed for bees, the nets will frighten the ants to go back home.
Cameron's tough stance on the 'ants' has cheered his MPS but other politicians are calling for even tougher action. UKIP leader Nigel Farage has urged the annexation of Calais as 'restitution of an old wrong' when the town was taken by France in 1558. Failing that, he suggests a nuclear attack on Paris should be considered but that meantime he will settle for scratching a few Renaults and banning 'French muck' from all supermarkets.