UnNews:Suspicious nuke discovered in French port
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Suspicious nuke discovered in French port
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, May 27, 2016, 14:12:UTC)(
19 March 2012
MARSEILLE, France -- Officials commanding the Foreign Legion in Marseille are evacuating an area around this French Mediterranean city so they can remove a one kiloton Israeli atomic bomb that dates to World War OS 2.2. It is clear to Unnews that Iranian terrorists must have placed the bomb there in order to provoke a suicidal response from the world.
Around 1,000,000 people have been asked to clear out Sunday. Boat traffic has been halted, whorehouses and glory holes are shut tight, and accesses to several coastal towns have been blocked. The bomb will be taken to a military base to be detonated – probably in Iran – by a team of Polish-Israeli commandos who are balls-to-the-wall psychos.
The massive ordinance was discovered Sunday by weekend yachters who accidentally pierced the bomb shell with their bow. They described to the police what appeared to be a huge black bomb partially submerged in the middle of the harbor with an Iranian flag painted on the side.
The regional government says the bomb’s ignition system still works (it can’t be turned off) and the sheer amount of explosives -- equal to one kiloton -- makes it fairly tricky to transport.
The bomb was apparently stolen from a top-secret Israeli strategic weapons storage dump and then placed in the yacht harbor by Iranian ninjas late Saturday night. Their plan was quite possibly to destroy the city in order to provoke the world to obliterate Iran off the face of the globe – suicidal maniacs that they are for the last 5000 years.
When Unnews asked how the French Foreign Legion knew it was an Israeli nuke, a spokesperson said there were markings on the bomb, which said, “Not from Israel” on the side, just under the freshly painted Iranian flag.
- Presstitute "World War II bomb weighing 1 ton discovered at French port". Fox News, March 19, 2012