UnNews:Suspicious Bases Outlawed
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Suspicious Bases Outlawed
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Friday, March 23, 2018, 13:31:UTC)(
14 January 2012
Boardroom, Cayman Islands -- In the ongoing effort to protect everybody from dangerous and sophisticated criminals, the latest recommendations from some completely non-biased committee were implemented immediately after their presentation to the shadow government of Earth today. World armies were promptly mobilized to target any suspicious number bases such as binary, octal or hexadecimal and replace them with base 10, by force if necessary.
"After a detailed study we have concluded that these ruthless gangs of digital monsters use these incomprehensible number bases to do their evil and they must be stopped, no matter the cost to human civilization, " emphasized a guy from SOPA sitting on a sofa drinking a soda "by taking direct aim at these confusing streams of digits, we can feel warm and fuzzy inside while preventing any further spread of illegal promiscuous pirate pron torrentz warez. Would you allow a rampaging flock of lunatics to destroy your children's future? Of course not - and neither would my pet hamster Boo."
Richard Stallman reacted to the news by chopping off two of his fingers and stuffing them up his nose, although his actions were dismissed by most IT people as taken out of context. In spite of this, machine-gun and mortar rounds were heard throughout the night in Silicon Valley and other tech centers around the world as the great purge of suspicious-looking numbers got underway. Pockets of resistance have been spotted clashing with law enforcement while flaunting whatever radix they please, reportedly claiming "All your base are belong to us".
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|