UnNews:Survivors found at World Trade Center site

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Survivors found at World Trade Center site

Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

UnNews Logo Potato
Sunday, March 18, 2018, 17:40:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

20 October 2006


WTC attack survivors still being discovered.

NEW YORK - The discovery of living survivors in a small, buried break room at the World Trade Center site has outraged their families, who say the city hasn't done enough to ensure that everyone lost in the 2001 terrorist attack has been located and rescued.

The survivors, three stockbrokers from the Morgan Stanley brokerage firm, have lived the last five years on stale coffee, snack machine food, rats, toenails, and rainwater filtering through the compressed rubble above them.

The latest surviors were found Thursday by a Port Authority contractor working with a Consolidated Edison crew excavating a manhole, said Steve Coleman, a spokesman for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, which owns the trade center site. Some relatives called for a new, systematic search by outside experts, and maybe some better dogs with bigger noses or something.

"This is bullshit," the group WTC Families for Bitching at New York said in a statement Thursday. "Some of us spent a lot of money on funerals, and got some pretty big insurance settlements. What are we going to do, give the money back?"

Mayor Michael Bloomberg called an emergency meeting at City Hall on Friday to discuss what "what else we should go look at and why these people weren't discovered a few years earlier." Bloomberg said the city planned to scour the site again for other possible survivors, examining other manholes and areas that might have been overlooked.

The area where the survivors were found is near the spot where a podium is erected each Sept. 11 for families to read the names of their loved ones who were smooshed by the building. The survivors said their heard their names being read, but apparently nobody on the surface could hear them yelling for help.


Personal tools