UnNews:Sure Start toddles forward
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
London, UK-- Sure Start, the UK Feminism Ministry's initiative to indoctrinate British children whilst forcing their parents to go out to work, has been given a fillip with new legislation designed to keep parents away from schools as well as keeping them away from their children at other times.
Congratulating his ministerial team for their 'joined up' thinking, Prime Minister Tony Blair, commenting on the way things are, said, "It is not proper".
Following the passage of the Education Act 2005, school governing bodies are no longer required to hold an annual parents' evening, nor to produce a governors' annual report. These have now been replaced by the School Profile, which will be pre-populated with data supplied by the Feminism Ministry, as well as narrative sections for the school to complete with the help of political correctness advisors to ensure correct spelling. 
"The Sure Start initative is part of a wider social engineering strategy to ensure that the government and not parents are the main influence in children's lives," said Ms Marge Hodge-Podge, who heads up the Feminism Ministry. "The five early reports from the National Evaluation of Sure Start (NESS) show that Sure Start is succeeding in making a difference to a large number of parents and children, and is doing particularly well in affecting parenting practices." 
Ms Hodge-Podge added that there were moves afoot to dislodge elitist attitudes within the government itself, and that the privately-educated Minister for Education, Ruth Kelly, would soon be totally discredited for not making sufficient effort to prevent men who have experienced sex from obtaining teaching positions. "We're determined to drum all men out of the teaching profession by ensuring that it only takes a hint of sexual innuendo, ideally by a teenage girl Chav, for them to lose their jobs. Ms Kelly has not been supportive enough, probably because of cronyism with colleagues who also went to British Public Schools, which still discriminate against Jews and women."
A spokeswoman for Sure Start indicated that their policy of exclusively employing women in senior management roles "is having a positive effect in rolling out our agenda, particularly when it comes to undermining traditional male role models for the under 5s." Ms Hodge-Podge told UnNews, "Now that we can effectively prevent parents remaining influential on school boards, we're confident that the next generation will be correctly indoctrinated to ensure that patriarchal family attitudes which have so devastated society in the past will be banished forever." An NSPCC spokeswoman added that her organisation fully ensorsed Sure Start initiatives and that the NSPCC is "delighted that pubs can now stay open all night. This will ensure that drunken fathers don't go home and beat up their kids but can stay in the pub all night with their friends from Alcoholics Oblivious. We're sure that most men will appreciate this."